You may be wondering why, in my last post, I decided to take 1,152 words and tell you all about my weekend. Part of the reason was because there were so many things I was thankful for. But, I also wanted to remind myself of all the good things that happened.
Because my anxiety tends to run on the social side, it can be really hard to want to go out and do things that I used to love doing. I’m a social person, and the only thing keeping me from doing some of the things that I really love it to do, is fear. So, by talking about all the good things, and all the things that went well, I’m reminded of all the fun that could happen.
There are a lot of ways you could remember the good things. Most often I’ll text my bestie with something like, “I ate breakfast today!” Or I’ll journal about the good things from my day. Even just talking to myself about it and acknowledging that I’m okay really helps.
When life just feels awful all the time it can be really hard to get out of your own head. And, by, “out of your own head”, I mean escaping the fear that things will never get better. It’s so easy to get in the pattern of things being hard that you develop this mind-set that things will never be easy again. That everything will be scary, and everything will go wrong. And when you get stuck in that mind-set (at least, I did), I started to get more depressed, and more anxious, and I was in this vortex of never-ending pain. It just got worse and worse until I stood up, pulled on my big girl panties, and decided to get my butt off the couch and do something. Don’t get me wrong, it was really hard. It’s not like I stood up and was perfectly fine. It took a lot of hard work, and it still does.
I did some Googling and found out that part of the reason I could be feeling so bad is my schedule, and my diet. I hadn’t really had a good sleep schedule, with being anxious all the time eating was kind of a struggle (although I did still eat), and I’m notorious for not doing a good job of drinking water throughout the day. So, for me, “pulling up my big girl panties” meant making myself eat, making myself go to bed and get up at the same times, and making myself drink water. It was kinda hard to get a good schedule down, but it’s only been a week and a half of the schedule and it’s helped a lot. I’ve had little to no anxiety since last Friday, and it feels amazing. I’m not depressed, I’m not anxious, and *pause for dramatic effect* I’m happy about things. I’m actually excited to go see my friends, instead of curled up in a ball of tears and panic.
When I realized all this crap I’ve had to deal with over the last three years or so could’ve been fixed just like that, I was not excited. I mean, I was, because now it’s a pretty easy fix, but I was so shocked that it took me this long to even consider that my schedule could be at fault. It made me think about how easy it really is to sit in your own little rut, feeling bad for yourself, instead of trying to find answers. (I definitely did try to find answers as to why I felt bad, but there were also plenty of times I just wanted to lie in bed all day because I felt so defeated.)
Anxiety and depression are finicky little creatures. There are lots of different reasons you could be depressed, or anxious, and they all vary depending on the person. They don’t always have an easy fix. For me, it did (although I’m probably gonna have to fight it every now and then). For others, not so much; and I really feel you. I know what it’s like to feel your world spinning by and you have no idea how to make it stop. It sucks, and I’m sorry. But, you’re not alone. I really hope my journey through anxiety has helped at least one or two of you (if not more). My “journey” isn’t over, and it probably never will be. But, now I know some great ways to help myself, and others.
(Apparently I did another post similar to this one called Count the Wins.)