Category: Old Posts

Barbie and Babysitting

My dad’s mom died when I was nine years old. They lived four hours away from us, so even when she was doing well we didn’t see them much. However, there was one day we were at their house, and we had a birthday party type thing for me. I don’t remember it very well, but I do remember a cookout, dinosaur sprinkles, and some presents. These presents were very special to me. Around the time of my birthday, the movie Barbie and the Twelve Dancing Princesses came out. I got the movie, a dress and shoes, and a Barbie doll, all from the movie. This eventually became my favorite movie, and I still watch it sometimes (the classic Barbie movies are all still great, in my opinion).

I do quite a bit of babysitting and child care. Previously, I had only watched boys, so it never even occurred to me that they’d be interested in a Barbie movie (which they totally would’ve, so I wish I had thought of it sooner). I recently got a job babysitting two little girls, and they love this movie. I didn’t get to spend very much time with my grandma before she died, so while I was growing up, this movie meant a lot to me. It was one of the few ways I got to hold onto her, And the fact that I got to share this movie with these little girls meant the world to me. I was so happy that they loved it as much as I did.

Probably one of my favorite things about kids in general is how much they love to learn. Especially around the age of four.

Sometimes I’ll take the two little girls to the park, and on our way there there are tons of flowers. The four year old knows most of them, but I’ll ask her if she knows what the flowers are, and if she doesn’t I’ll tell her, and we’ll talk about all the different kinds of flowers. I just love being able to tell kids why things are. Why certain words are put together this way, or why certain animals do certain things. I just find it really interesting, and I love how these kids just absorb any knowledge that’s thrown their way, and continue to use it for years to come.

What is Art?

This week my Sunday school class was discussing how art was defined, and I had planned on doing a blog post on it anyway, so I figured, why not give it a go?

The definition of art from dictionary.com is,

  1. The quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.

My definition was,

Something expressed with passion and creativity.

There was a LOT of discussion that Sunday, and a lot of different perspectives that I found quite interesting. Something I said during the discussion was that I almost wanted to get rid of the word “Art”, because art is so subjective that it can mean lots of different things to lots of different people. I personally walk by a bush and see colors, shapes, and the way the light shines on it. Whereas someone else might see how it’s constructed. Or notice the sounds that it makes.

For me, art is almost a feeling. It’s an expression of my own thoughts and emotions. Other people’s art also makes me feel things. Nearly everything has significance to me, but maybe that’s just what makes me unique, and not what makes me an artist. I think what makes someone an artist is the passion to do something with what’s inside their heads. It has nothing to do with learning to paint, or write, or play an instrument; because anyone can learn how to do those things. But what’s significant is having a story to tell, and being able to tell it. It doesn’t matter what medium you use.

To bring it back around, I think art is just a way of using a medium to express how you feel about something. A mother does work for her family because she loves them. That is an art. Picking up trash that you see on the ground and helping take care of our planet. That is an art. Painting a picture of a child sitting with their dog because you want to show the love the child feels for the dog. That is an art.

I mean, what use would a painter be if the only reason they painted was for money? They wouldn’t have anything to paint, because they wouldn’t have anything they cared about, or were passionate about.

This is all just my opinion of what makes art, “art”. I really don’t think there will ever come a point when someone can pin down exactly what art is, because it’s such a subjective thing. However, I think it’s pretty fun to think about. It’s also fun to see what art means to other people.

I Quit!

Well, actually, I’m not quitting. I’m just taking a break. Last summer I was so busy with everything that I didn’t have time to blog in general, so this summer I decided to just take some time off and focus on some other things. I’ll probably start blogging again sometime in September.

However! Here are some of the things I’m going to be working on:

  • I have a long list of art projects I want to do
  • I have my church’s vacation Bible school (I’ll probably be in puppets, drama, and I’ll help out with decorations, which means I’ll probably be at church two or three times a week in the next month or so)
  • I applied for a five week art program this summer
  • If I don’t get accepted into the program, then I’ll be going on my youth group’s Wilderness trip again
  • I’m considering starting a YouTube channel for both music and art, and I’m hoping to do some collaborations with a friend of mine
  • I need to finish school, so that’s actually going to be a main focus
  • I’m hoping to speak at another conference in August
  • I have a conference in town I’m always a part of, and like to volunteer for
  • I want to enjoy my last summer as a kid!!

I have so many hobbies, and so many things that I like to do, that I never have enough time to do everything. I’m learning how to plan, and schedule things, but I’m hoping it’ll also help to narrow down what I’m trying to do.

So, this is the last post of the summer. I might post some stuff here and there, but nothing regular like usual. I hope you all enjoy this beautiful summer we have coming!!!

Physical Health/ FitBit Review

I recently got a fitbit (a charge 2) and I totally love it. The one I have is my mom’s old one, and when she offered it to me before, I originally said no. I thought fitbits were just for losing weight, or getting in shape, and I wasn’t all too concerned with either of those. However, per usual, I’ve learned there’s more to it than meets the eye.

I use my fitbit primarily to track my sleep, water intake, period schedule, and exercise. I’ve also started to use it to make sure I’m eating enough of the right things. Like all fitness gadgets, it gives you the ability to log what you’re eating. Once you’ve logged it, it can tell you whether you’re eating mostly carbs, or fat, or whatever. Seeing as how I’d never struggled to lose weight, I thought I didn’t need this; but it’s really helped me be aware of the things I’ve been eating, and it’s shown me how important it is to have a healthy diet.

To reiterate, a fitbit isn’t about losing weight, it’s about staying healthy. I use my fitbit to make sure I take care of my body, and it’s helped me learn a lot of new things I had no idea were so important. I’m learning to be more responsible with my sleep, because now, instead of saying “I’m tired”, I can look back and see why I’m tired. For all these questions of “why don’t I feel well”, I can check how I’ve been eating, or sleeping, or drinking water, and see if that’s the reason (which it usually is). I’m not a health nut, and I don’t like working out that much, but I do want to stay healthy, and my fitbit has really helped me out.

If you don’t want to get a fitbit, there are other ways you can get some of the same functions. I had been using apps for everything, and through a lot of trial and error, I found a few that really helped.

For a water reminder/ log, I had been using Daily Water Reminder for iOS. I’ve also heard a lot of good things about Plant Nanny for iOS. I wasn’t a huge fan of Plant Nanny, but I know a lot of people who really liked it. I had an idea for an app that would let you log your water intake, and you and your friends could use the app to help keep an eye on each others intake. So if you hadn’t drunk anything in a couple hours someone could shoot you a message and remind you. I did some research, and I think fitbit is supposed to let you see your friends progress like this, but I haven’t had the opportunity to check it out.

I got an app for sleep tracking, but I didn’t actually get around to trying it. It was called Pillow Automatic Sleep Tracker, for iOS. The way Pillow works is you press a button when you’re about to go to bed, and place it under your pillow. I think it uses the movement of your bed/ pillow to see how you’re sleeping. I didn’t try it because I didn’t like the idea of sleeping on my phone (it didn’t feel comfortable), and I never knew when I’d fall asleep (and I was lazy, but that’s beside the point).

For exercise I got the app 30 Day Fitness Challenge Pro, for iOS. It’s set up so that you exercise every day, and it gets a little bit harder with each day. I used it pretty consistently, but I got too busy after a while and couldn’t work out everyday, and then I found myself never working out. Because the plan builds on itself, it’s harder to work out only once or twice a week. While I was using it, I really liked it. Life just shifted and I needed to find something different.

To track my period I started using an app called Flo, for iOS. If you’re not a lady, feel free to skip over this. Flo just helps you track your period, symptoms, water intake, and pregnancy stuff (if you’re trying to get pregnant, that is). I love it, and it’s really helped me learn a lot about my period, actually. I’ve started to use fitbit to track my period, but I’ll probably keep Flo as well. It has a little more information than fitbit does, and there are forums, and articles that can be really helpful.

When I originally started my journey to get healthier, I was using an Android phone, and they have plenty of cool apps too. I switched to an Apple phone not long after I started all this, which is why I have so many iOS recommendations. All of these apps are free, or have versions that are free, but don’t include as much as the paid version. I, being broke, hadn’t spent any money on them and was perfectly happy with what I got.

I hope this review/ recommendation post was helpful, and good luck staying healthy!

My Year

Life has just been insane. I remember last year, thinking about how everything was gonna go, and thinking it would all just be the same. I thought I’d continue to stay depressed, and nauseous, and lonely, and anxious. I thought the insanity would never end. I thought I’d never be my “normal” self again. And now, here I am, sitting on my couch, looking forward to all of the awesome things I get to do this summer. I’m actually excited about something for once. I’m not nervous, or anxious. Just, excited.

My next stage of life is nothing like I planned, but I’m really excited about it. I’ve made some knew-ish friendships, and I’m so glad I have the opportunity to stay here and cultivate them. I get to focus on my art, and music, and the people in my life.

Now that I have all my emotions back in check, I’m pretty much as normal as I used to be (not that I was ever normal in the first place). Something I realized, though, is that that “normal” part of me that I thought was gone, was my love for life. For the past six years people have mentioned to me here and there that I have a “love for life”, and I never really thought much of it until I lost it. It keeps me going, it helps me encourage people, and, it reminds me that life isn’t all bad.

There’s always this point, after going through a long, hard stretch of life, where I can look back at it all and be thankful for all the crap I had to go through (that usually doesn’t come for a good while, however). Right now, right this second, I’m there. And it feels amazing. I’m looking back at everything and realizing how much I’ve grown, and how much I’ve learned about my self. In the course of just a few months I learned how to really take care of myself, both mentally and physically. I’ve learned how to forgive people, and how to let people go, and that you don’t always have to let people go. I’ve learned how to keep friendships across miles. And, I’ve learned how to be a big girl.

Around the time I started feeling nauseous, and things started to feel wonky (about two years ago), I started getting to be really good friends with one of the girls who had just graduated from my youth group. She is now my best friend, and my sister. One of my biggest fears with growing up, and moving into the college class at church, and being a college student, was that I wouldn’t have any friends. That all my friends would leave me, and I’d be alone. But, having that friend who’s a bit older than me really helped me branch out. She helped me realize that college students aren’t terrifying. And, because she’d hang out with the college students, I got to know a lot of them, too.

Life’s looking up, and I’m happy about it. I no longer wake up depressed everyday. I no longer walk through life terrified that it’ll get bad again. And, I’ve got some amazing friends to help me keep walking along, and keep knowing that it won’t get bad again.

Everything we go through has a good reason. I’ve known that with my whole heart for the last six years. But, sometimes, when you’re in the midst of everything, it’s hard to remember. Look at Job, from the Bible. He spent years upon years in agony. He knew that God had a reason for everything that was going on, but he still cried out because everything in his life hurt so bad, for so long, and it never seemed like it’d get better. Well, it did. And it turned out even better than before.

I spent just over two years (two and a half?) with this nausea, and anxiety, and I prayed so hard that God would just take it away. Throughout everything, and after it being so long, I thought he never would. But he did. And now I’m sitting here, totally fine, ready to go see my friend give a presentation at school later tonight. God does look out for us, and he watches over us. Even if it seems like he never will. Even if it seems like it’s hopeless. He does.

Winnie the Pooh

In the very beginning of my artistic journey, I was just trying new things and seeing what I was capable of. One style I’d always loved was the style of the older Winnie the Pooh illustrations. They seemed so simple, but also beautiful, so I thought I’d give it a try. So far, that’s still my favorite art style, and one I use often.

I never watched Winnie the Pooh when I was growing up, but the older I got the more I got into it, so I decided to check out some of the 90’s movies. I watched Pooh’s Grand Adventure, and it was pretty good. Being older, I wasn’t “in love” with it, but there were definitely some things I took away from it.

The art style was obviously not the same as the original illustrations, but it still seemed to hold a lot of the charm that the originals did. Based off observation, it looked like some of the originals were watercolor, and then outlined in ink (depending on the generation you look at). In the movie, it seemed like they held a similar concept. Art style was one of my primary focuses as I watched the movie, because I was curious to see if it would be similar to the illustrations; but it wasn’t the only thing I noticed.

Generally, in a regular old animated cartoon with animals, they’re just animals. However, the point of Winnie the Pooh is about a boy who would take his toys to the hundred acre wood, and just play. In the animations, the animals move like toys. It’s fascinating. Not only do they move like toys, they’re also drawn like toys. They have stitch marks here and there, some of them have buttons, etc.

Some people may think it’s simple to make something like this, and like it’s not a big deal, but I love their attention to detail when they created the movie. My guess is, that if they hadn’t put in all those details in the beginning and just made them animals, no one would’ve really noticed. I mean, maybe a big Pooh Bear fan would’ve, but I certainly wouldn’t.

I love Winnie the Pooh. I always thought it was just a kid’s thing, but the more I looked at it, the more I saw that it’s not. It’s a lot of what I want to create, actually. It’s stories of friendships, and adventures, and growing up, and dealing with the hard things; all from a whimsical, kid’s point of view. It takes all these hard “adventures”, and gives them a lighthearted look.

When Winnie the Pooh was created, it gave people hope. I would love to do that for people some day.

Break It Down

Every situation has it’s good and bad aspects, but it can be really easy to only focus on the bad situations. I mean, it makes total sense. When bad things happen, your brain latches on to them and tries to learn from them, and keep you from hurting yourself again. However, it can make or break a situation the next time you try and do it.

I came up with this idea the other day to “break down” a situation. Say, you just had an insanely busy day, and you feel super stressed out, and you feel like you accomplished nothing. While your heart may be telling you you “did nothing”, your head knows you accomplished way more, it’s just harder to hear your head over your heart. So, to make it easier to see all the truths, I came up with this system to break down your situations.

It’s kind of similar to math, actually. When you’re solving inequalities you take one equation, and you split it into two. You have a positive, and a negative version of that equation. (|a – 3| < 2 Becomes a – 3 = 2 and a – 3 = 2.) This system is similar to the one I use for finding truths (check out The Truth to read more). You just split apart the positive and negative sides to your equations (situations), and then you’ll be able to see all the good things from that day. Even if there’s only one or two, they’re still there.

These systems that I’ve created are an escape. When I’m upset, or things just feel awful, I tend to snowball (meaning I keep rolling in all of these “bad” things until I’m just ready to give up and cry). By taking a few minutes, and breaking everything down, I’m calm and ready to get back up and keep going. They aren’t going to work for everyone, and I don’t always use them very well, but I have used them, and know that they work. Sometimes you need someone to help you break them down, but they do work. I hope they can help give you an out when it comes to “snowballing” like it does me.

“I’m Sick”

Let’s talk about health for a minute.

Health has two different sides to it, which most people know. There’s emotional health, and physical health. What most people don’t seem to know, is how much your emotional health can impact you.

I’ve been learning recently that I’m a wreck when I don’t get enough sleep (like, eight to eight-and-a-half hours still isn’t enough on a daily basis). When I’m low on sleep it’s like I start to lose control over my emotions. I’m sad, and depressed, and anxious a whole lot more easily, and it makes it really hard to live life, and even want to live life.

I generally love to help people in any way I can, so I’m pretty invested in my church (I’m on the worship team on Wednesday nights, in the 2’s and 3’s class room every couple weeks, and I’ve started doing more offertories). I love doing all those things, but it’s a lot. For a while there were only one or two Sundays a month that I was actually in service. Now, I loved doing all those things. I liked staying busy, and helping people. But, when I started to get more tired because I wasn’t taking care of myself, I realized that I couldn’t keep pushing so hard. Here’s some examples:

Example #1: Say I’ve got an offertory lined up, and I’ve been practicing for a month or so, and a week or two before I’m scheduled to play, I start getting a cold. I’m on week two of my cold, my offertory’s tomorrow, and I’m still not well enough to play. So, I text my pastor and let him know that I won’t be able to play because I’m “sick”.

Example #2: It’s the same situation as before. I’ve got an offertory lined up, and I’m totally ready for it. Well, this time, I’ve been helping a lot at church, and we’ve been going through some rough family stuff, so I’m completely exhausted. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. It’s the week I’m supposed to play, and I’m so tired that every day I wake up and just want to cry. I call my youth pastor and tell him I can’t play because I’m “sick”.

So often, when I’m physically or emotionally tired, I think I’m fine. “Just tired,” I tell myself. Well, the reality is, that when you’re tired, you can become physically sick. When I’m tired, my appetite drops, so I don’t each as much as I should, and it can make me feel worse. When I’m tired, and I don’t have as much control over my emotions, it can make some of the simplest things become the scariest things. I think, “Oh, I won’t let my fears win, I’ll just keep pushing, and be brave, and I’ll be fine.” But, the truth is, I won’t be fine until I listen to what my body’s trying to tell me and take care of myself.

I never thought “being tired” was a good enough reason not to do something. But, especially as a kid, being tired can make a huge difference. Last year around Christmas, when I was really depressed, I just kept pushing on like life was normal and tried not to let my depression win. In some cases, that’s good, and important. But in others, it’s just ignoring the problem. It wasn’t until I listened to myself, and realized that I need a change, that I really started to feel better. Both physically, and emotionally.

Telling people no can be one of the hardest things you can do. When I have to tell someone no because I’m tired, or sick, I’m afraid they’re going to judge me. I know a lot of people who would jokingly say something like, “What? You’re just tired? Come on. I know you can do it. Don’t be lazy.” And, even as a joke, that stuff hurts. Especially when you’re already exhausted. It often makes people do things they know they shouldn’t because they feel like they’ll be judged. I know I have. But, we can’t give in to that. Who cares if they judge us? Who cares what they say? What’s important is that you are okay, and that you are trying to make the best decisions you can. If something isn’t the right thing for you, you should never let anyone pressure you into doing it. Maybe consider what they have to say, but you’re the one making the choice. And if they don’t like it, then they can just deal with it.

The Way I Write

When I first started writing, my grammar was as close to perfect as I could get it (which wasn’t that great, because I was eleven, but you get the idea). The more I wrote, the less I liked it, because it was just boring. It felt like reading a school book. Sure, it was technically correct, but it just felt stiff. I decided to try and write the way I talk, and see if it made a difference.

I don’t know about you, but I like reading the way people talk a lot more than reading something that’s “correct”. One of my favorite things in a book is when an author writes a character with a specific accent, because that means they put thought into their characters. It’s easy to write something “correct”, because that’s what we’re taught in school. It’s not so easy to take a step outside the box and write an accent like Hagrid’s, from Harry Potter. It also brings so much more life to what you’re reading. When you use your own creativity in writing, it brings the words to life. It’s like how sheet music turns into something that inspires people when it’s played. Words, and writing, can do the same.

My parents always taught me that when you learn something, that’s when you can step out, and try new things, and choose if you’re going to keep doing it. My writing is just another form of artistic expression, so of course I would find some way to do things differently. However, there is a time and place for everything.

I write personally when it’s time to be personal, and serious when it’s time to be serious. I wouldn’t necessarily write personally on a job application, because that’s when it’s time to use this handy little thing called grammar. Each thing has it’s place, and as long as you use it in the correct place, you can’t go wrong.