I am a Christian, but I’m not a “christiany” person. I believe in prayer, but it’s definitely something I’ve struggled with. For a long time I could never understand how talking to someone that seemed like nothingness when I was little could mean anything to anyone. But, over the last couple years, I really have learned why prayer is significant. What it means to me, God, and others.
My understanding of prayer really hit me in the last couple months. I went through a phase of life where I was depressed, and anxious, and despite my enormous want to help people with all of their problems, I simply couldn’t. Trying to help only made things worse on my end, and I didn’t quite know what to do. When someone came to me with a problem, how could I say to them, “I’m sorry, I can’t talk about this right now,”?
After talking to my mom, and a friend of mine, I started to pray. And I mean really pray. Not just, “God, thank you for this day, please help tomorrow go well, and please give me everything I want.” I was saying,
“God, I can’t help these people in any way, shape, or form, but I know you can. Even though I don’t want to, I’m going to trust that you’ll take care of them, and I’m going to back off.”
And, guess what? It worked. I wasn’t as anxious and depressed as I was before, and I wasn’t interfering with the plan God already had by butting into these peoples lives. Praying to God, and trusting him, gave me this peace that I had never experienced before. And, until I had written this post, I didn’t really start to see it as peace. This is that magical sense of peace I’ve heard about my entire life, and never trusted, nor experienced.
As my last sentence may have let on, I’m still learning a lot. I’m still processing the last couple months and looking for what I can learn. Trying to see the good, as it where. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to do that.
I have a lot I want to say, and want to share, but I’m not sure I’m ready to dive into that yet. We’ll see. But, I do know that I have my mojo back, so I should be writing a lot more.