On Tuesday I wrote about the importance of not fixing things for other people (again, see why in, I’m Such A Mom), and not pressuring them into things. And, that’s true. We can’t make anyone do anything, and we can’t force anything down their throats. BUT, sometimes we need to confront people about things. Pointing something out to them, or talking to them about something once or twice, is completely different than fixing things, or pressuring them.
As Christians we’re called to look out for each other, and confront each other, and help each other out. The difference being when you try to control someone, or parent them. That’s not good. It may come from a good place, but it’s not a good thing. One of the side effects of pressuring people to do something (even if it may be good for them) is that they may get tired of you. They’ll get sick of you trying to tell them what to do, and it’ll usually keep them from wanting to do whatever it is you think would be good for them.
So, there are two perspectives. The first is from someone trying to help, and the second from the someone who may need help. We’ve touched on pretty much everything I can think of from the first perspective, and now it’s time to discuss the second one.
No one likes to be told what to do (for the most part). But, sometimes we need it. With my anxiety I’ve really struggled to go into social situations, so I talked to my mom and she’s agreed to make me do what’s scary. I need that push to be brave and do things so I remember that there’s nothing to be afraid of. Sometimes we need someone to come into our lives and give us that hard push.
There comes a time when we all need to put on our big girl panties and fight whatever’s bothering us. And we can’t do it alone.
I think I’m going to give all my blog posts relating to anxiety their own category. This being my current stage of life, I have a lot of thoughts on it, and I’m learning a lot about it every day. Check back next week for a post relating to when it’s time to stand up and fight (it’s a working title).
Sometimes life is just hard. Sometimes for us, and sometimes for other people. We see those people struggling and think about all the times we wish someone was there for us when we felt bad, so we do everything we can to keep that person from feeling the pain we felt. We try to fix their problems for them.
I get wanting to help people. It’s generally a good thing. But, sometimes helping looks different than we think. Most often, if I’m going to someone with a problem, it isn’t because I need them to fix it. And, if they fix it, then I won’t learn it as well (see this post, I’m Such A Mom, if you’re interested in more thoughts on this topic). I’m a smart kid. I know that if something’s really wrong, I need to go to my parents. But, sometimes life just sucks, and I need someone to talk to. Sometimes I go to a friend, or a youth leader, and I just need to talk, or vent. I don’t need them to fix everything for me, I need them to listen. Not every problem is a crises that needs fixing.
Some of my favorite youth leaders have always done a really good job of not fixing things for me. they’ll ask me questions to make me think through things. They’ll listen when I need someone to talk to, but, when they see something they think is important to point out, they talk to me about it. Without pressuring me. They give me space to screw up, and always remind me that they’re there when I need them.
When life is hard we don’t always need answers, or solutions. Sometimes we just need to cry. Just need to vent. Just need to talk. We don’t always need fixes, or people pressuring us to fix things. We need to be reminded that we’re loved, that the people who love us have our backs, and that eventually we’ll learn our way through what’s going on, and we’ll be stronger in the end because of it.
I think what I wrote is valuable and important, but I also think there’s another side to it. Check back on Thursday at 5pm for the second half to this story.
I’ve been told I’m a pretty wise person (especially for someone my age). Most of the time, I’m really proud of that. It keeps me out of trouble and it helps me make the right choices, which makes me pretty trustworthy. HOWEVER, sometimes I hate it. The right choices often aren’t the fun ones, or the easy ones, or the ones I want to pick. But, I know they’re the right choices, so, usually, I can’t help but make them. Sometimes my wisdom feels more like a curse than a blessing.
All in all, wise choices are the better ones. But, sometimes they suck. Like my choice about college. It’s smart, it’s wise, but I’m still sad, and still disappointed. That’s okay. No one ever said the right choices would be the fun ones. But, they’re still the right choices.
People go every day with making whatever choice they think is best, and rolling with it, weather it’s the best choice or not. You don’t have to make the wise choice. Sometimes you learn a lot from the less wise choice. The key, though, is to make the best choice you can, stand by it, and do everything you can to make the most out of it.
I think this post was more about me venting over having to make hard choices. So, for that, I apologize. However, this does go out to all the people that are making the wise choices (the hard choices) and don’t know that it’s okay to grieve over them. Something can be the complete right choice, and still feel awful. It’s okay to cry about it. It’s reasonable to cry about it, or grieve in whatever way you do. Just make sure you don’t stay in that area of grieving forever.